Overcoming the Runner Blues: How My Worst Injury Became My Greatest Opportunity

I felt confident, excited, ready to take on the challenge of my longest long run yet in my journey to train for and complete my first 100miler, the Quebec Mega Trail, one of Canada’s premier ultra-marathons.  It was late April, and I still had over two months until the race, lots of time to prepare and get more running in. 

The run today would take me 20kms South along highway seven between Camp Petersville and the next exit in Blagdon, New Brunswick. I would then double back getting just shy of 42km plus a good deal of elevation with all the hills along that highway.  It was a route that I wanted to do for a while. It was scenic, it was long, and it was hilly, just what I was looking for. I completed the run in a little less than 4 ½ hours and while feeling a little sore, I was used to it after my long runs. I was confident I would heal in a matter of days and be back running later that week.  Little did I know, it would be months before I would be able to run again.

The run that did me in...it was fun though.

During the week after my run, I was surprised that my ankles were still sore and that they didn’t seem to be healing. I wasn’t worried but thought maybe I should go and have them checked out. I reported to the military clinic a little over a week later and the decision was that x-rays would be taken right away. I still wasn’t worried, well…maybe a little. The x-rays were taken, and I was told that if everything was okay, I wouldn’t hear back from anyone. I was cautiously optimistic that no calls would come my way.  Then later that afternoon, my cell phone rang. I immediately recognized the phone number and knew that it was from the clinic. The results were, at least to me and my lack of knowledge…inconclusive. The x-rays showed significant lucency in my right ankle and while the left ankle wasn’t as bad, it still wasn’t what it should have been. So, while the x-rays didn’t show a fracture, they also didn’t show that there wasn’t one. It was neither good, nor bad. It just was. I was immediately given an appointment to see a physiotherapist later that week.

Epsom salt bath. Black toenails, the sign one runs a lot.

The night before the appointment I was excited. My plan was to meet with the physiotherapist and immediately welcome her to Team Torch. Team Torch was based on the name I gave myself, the Human Torch. I belonged to an amazing running group of friends that called itself the Fantastic Four and I was the Human Torch, since the other characters names were already taken. I found it ironic since the Human Torch was young, brash, cocky…everything that I wasn’t. It was Team Torch, who I was confident would have me back on my feet in no time, who would ensure that I would still make my A race in a few months.

So, the appointment. People who know me would say I’m usually optimistic and always ready to go. That was my mindset going in.  Unfortunately, that changed very quickly when the words were said to me, “you have to treat this injury as if it was a stress fracture. That means no running for at least 6-8 weeks” I have no shame in saying I was devastated. I had been on a role of hitting every target I had set out to achieve since I started running the previous year. I went from running a 5km in May, to running a 50km that Oct. I now had a coach. I was crushing all my goals, even those I never imagined were possible only a few months before.  I was even blessed enough to be inspiring to a few others, to people that inspired me.  Now, I couldn’t even run.  I left that appointment in a little bit of shock. Later that morning I emailed my coach, and being the person he is, we set up a video conference that afternoon.

I made the decision, to conduct this meeting from my car as I wanted some privacy. I’m glad I made that decision. Joe Corcione is not only a top-notch coach but more importantly, he is an incredible human being. I first gave him the details of the injury, told him about what was said from the physiotherapist as far as timelines as well as what I was still allowed to do (ie. biking, aqua jogging etc…). He was understanding, supportive. Then he asked the simple question, “How are you doing”. It was genuine. He already knew what I was going to say I think, but I gave him my answer anyways. I was broke. While I won’t go into too many details about the concept of “one’s why” in this article, my why was much like his. I chose to attempt to do hard things in hopes that it would inspire others to attempt the same. Training for QMT was my opportunity to show others they can achieve impossible goals if they want to. I had people who were rooting for me, who were following my journey and were inspired by it. I felt like I let them down. My why was taken from me. There was no why. Not only did I not finish my race, I never even got to start it.

After doing what he could to cheer me up, I asked the million-dollar question, “was running QMT still a possibility”. The answer was yes. Provided that I heal quickly, and that I don’t make anymore mistakes, I could in fact at least get to the start line of QMT in about 12 weeks.  I was optimistic again. Yes, I would no longer be able to run a couple of marathons that were approaching to which I hoped to use them as training runs, but I still had a chance to run my A race.  Just give me a chance. What would follow would be a roller coaster of highs and lows I had never faced before and would lead to not only this blog but also to my outlook, my belief that life is an ultra.

Looking back, I think, because my A race was still a possibility, I still had hope. The goal of running QMT was to me a very distinct possibility.  First however, I had to continue to be there for my teammates in the Fantastic Four, who were all running various distances of races during Fredericton Race weekend.  We all had goals, and with the solid training they were putting in, I knew they would hit theirs. I arrived at the start of the 10km, half marathon and full marathon races and watched them all take off, watched them all chase their goals.

The Fantastic Four

This would be my first piece of advice when dealing with a significant injury that results in one’s running ability being temporarily put on hold: Find other’s who are trying to achieve a goal; friends, teammates, strangers and do what you can to help them succeed. This is what I tried to do. I remained at the race until all my teammates crossed the line. The Invisible Girl  (Isabelle) won her race, as she nearly always does, The Thing (Mason) set a personal best (PB) time, and Mr Fantastic (Sean) battled injuries to finish his race. They all got the job done. I was happy for them, my team, everyone of them fantastic. I left right after giving them a job well done. What about the Human Torch. Well, he flamed out like a damp match. I did not yet grasp the concept of, it’s not a failure, just lessons learned. That would come in time.

On the plus side I was getting in some good cross training which becomes my second piece of advice: If you can’t run, focus on what you can do and use it to become an even stronger, more well-rounded athlete. Not only did I get on the bicycle after a good decade away, but I also learned the art of aqua jogging and the many benefits gained from it. As for actually swimming, that’s something I still need to master. Who knows, maybe a goal will come up before the end of the year to entice me to want to get better at it. 

I felt good. Training, while not running, was getting intense.  I was able to set new goals I never thought were possible like using an aerodyne bike for two hours straight or getting 60kms on my mountain bike. I even made the decision to sign up for a fittest unit competition at work, something I did the year before. Additionally, to go along with lesson one of helping others achieve their goals, I planned some work up training for the competition for both my Unit team as well as a few other teams on base. Of course, as all leaders do in the military, before we ask someone else to do something, we need to do it ourselves. This decision would prove very costly to my recovery and while I don’t regret it at all, I should have been a lot smarter.

On the afternoon of the day I got a bone scan done, I did a slightly modified practice rehearsal of the competition, and I did it again the next day, followed by some strength training the following day. I thought I was following my physiotherapist's guidelines because in my mind I wasn’t running as per direction, so everything else was fine. It wasn’t. Later that week the results of the bone scan came back verifying I did have what was a very rare stress fracture of my medial malleolus in my right ankle. The medial malleolus, if you don’t know (kudos to those who do) is the large protruding bone on the inside of your ankle. While the left ankle was clear, it still wasn’t 100%. When I talked to my physiotherapist about my intent to take part in the competition and what training I was currently doing, she contacted my right a way, and in a friendly manner, asked me to stop. This was way above what I should have been doing and truth be told it probably set me back 4-6 weeks of recovery time. My own worst enemy.  But I finally realized what needed to be done to heal, and that was simply to REST. I once again sat on the sidelines watching my teammates crush another goal, cheered them on, was extremely proud of their results and felt disappointed in myself that I couldn’t be out there as well.  Advice number three: Listen to the experts and have honest two-way open communication with them. Keep them actively aware of what training you are doing and how it feels. Simply put: Trust the process. 

I should also mention that around this time I made the decision to not race in QMT.  I realized that I wasn’t healing fast enough and rather than keep a false hope, why not just accept the fact that it’s not going to happen. My coach agreed it was for the best. I had lost the opportunity to run in two marathons, compete in some fitness competitions and now my A race was over. What had been a consistent run of meeting all my goals now turned into the exact opposite.  I couldn’t achieve anything. This lead to a conference call with Joe that changed everything.

Joe explained to me that he went through a similar time in his life when he couldn’t run, and it was at that time that he created his Podcast, Everyday Ultra which in turn led to most everything else that he has since been able to achieve in the ultra running community.  Advice number four:  Just because you can’t run, don’t let that take away your actual love of running and everything that pertains to it. Get involved in other ways. This advice I ran with and haven’t stopped. I knew that a lot of what led to the injury was related to my lack of an understanding of everything that goes into ultra running, and most specifically the importance of proper nutrition for an endurance runner as well as rest and recovery (ie, sleep). The training I was crushing, everything else, I didn’t respect or apply.

So, how do I ensure this mistake doesn’t happen again. How do I become smarter. How do I ensure others don’t make this same mistake. In my mind I do this by becoming more knowledgeable about endurance running, and if you want to build knowledge why not take a course to become a coach. I did some research, saw that UESCA was one of the top organizations that provide certifications for coaching and immediately signed up to take the Endurance Running Coaching Course.  Additionally, knowing that improper nutrition also contributed to my injury, I further signed up to take the Endurance Sports Nutrition Course.  Over time, I thought, why stop there. Let’s take the Sports Psychology course and just because I also want to organize my own races one day, let’s take the Race Director Course as well.  Did I go overboard with all the courses, maybe, but I know it’s made me a better runner and I’m confident that if I knew all the information I know now, I might never have gotten injured. Oh yea, since I know that everyone doesn’t necessarily want to be an ultra runner, yet still run, why not take the Running Coach course as well. Yes, it resulted in a lot of late nights and early mornings studying, but it was worth it. Ironically, on the night I took the Endurance Running Coach final exam, it was also the same night I would have been running in QMT.

The first of many UESCA certifications.

While I was happy to obtain all the new certifications and thus gain so much additional knowledge, I still wanted to run. Hmmm…why not sign up for a local trail race in late July. Surely this would be achievable, and I would get to run with one of my good friends and introduce them to trail running. It was an acceptable alternative to not making QMT.  It was also just one more planned running goal that wouldn’t be possible as my injury was taking longer than expected to heal. Advice number five: if you can’t run in your races, volunteer at those races as you will gain a tonne of knowledge and see others achieve amazing accomplishments. To be honest, for me, watching others crush their goals, is actually more enjoyable than me achieving my own, and I say that with all sincerity. I did volunteer at the race, met some amazing people and even saw one of my teammates in the Fantastic Four win the event.

So where do things stand now?  Well, after finally being patient with the process and taking the advice from my physiotherapist that the focus shouldn’t be on me running in races as soon as possible but instead becoming healthy enough to just run, I can now say that I am back doing what I love to do…run.  Advice number six: Practice acceptance of the situation and the earlier you can achieve this, the better.  Also, be respectful of the emotions you will go though during the whole situation. It’s okay to be disappointed, to be frustrated, to be angry, to be sad. Be confident, that those emotions will change to being hopeful, being thankful, being confident, being great.

Looking back on the last 6 months I think this chapter in my story will show that the injury, this case of the runner blues, this unfortunate event, will actually become the greatest opportunity I will ever have in my running career and possibly a life changing affair as well. I can’t end this article without recognizing there were many incredible and supportive people that helped get me through this, particularly my good friend, the Invisible Girl, my physiotherapist (and fellow runner) and of course my coach.  There’s no better team, than Team Torch. 

Flame on…and Let’s Go.

Back on the treadmill...flame on.